Ashes and Beauty

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves standing at a crossroads, facing a decision that could alter the course of our life considerably.

We have all been there. I certainly have been a few times.

I was just there recently.

At a crossroads, I did not expect.

It caught me off guard, to be honest.

A voice of counsel, given in a long season of hardship and difficulty, offered me a way out … a step into a life of freedom for which I have long desired.

And suddenly, there I was … facing a crossroads.

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The traveler stood alone and forlorn as the winds whipped fiercely around her with no regard to her weakened state. The road to reach this point had been long and the woman was as worn as her threadbare clothing.

She had reached a juncture in the roads, a place where two paths met but then went separate ways. She wasn’t sure which way to turn, and she felt perplexed by the differing advice other travelers had given her.

Finally, her exhausted body could withstand no more and she fell to the ground as her tears mixed with the dirt below. She was covered with ashes, her eyes were dim with despair, and deep anger stirred in her soul as the call for freedom, her freedom, tolled like a bell echoing across the valley.

There was a battle being waged at that crossroad and it was one that would determine not only the course of direction for the woman but also for those who fell under her care. It was a battle fierce and long, but it was a battle cry quickly silenced when she lifted her eyes to heaven and quietly whispered, “Help me, please.”

And at that moment, the battle ceased.

Quiet filled the air as the woman slowly rose to her feet, took one last look at the path which promised her freedom and a return of her independence, and then fixed her gaze on the path that would lead her down into the valley, away from all she longed to have.

She knew the direction she needed to go.

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Crossroads in life are a bit intimidating; I find … especially when you are alone but also responsible for others. At this particular crossroads, I heard different counsel from people I respect, and it caused considerable confusion and frustration. Ultimately, the decision was up to me, and it was a decision that weighed heavily for days …

Until I looked up and whispered, “Help me, please.”

At that moment, the quandary was settled, the course forward was determined, and … my heart was grieved. Terribly grieved. While both paths would prove difficult and challenging, only one seemed to offer the one thing I wanted so desperately – my freedom, and my independence. To follow the other path meant to lay down my life as a sacrifice once more and to pick up my cross and follow my Savior.

There could be no other path for me.

I rose to my feet, still covered in ashes from the fight, wiped away the tears that slid down my cheek, and set my feet on the path my Savior trod long before me.

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You may be wondering about the title of this piece, Ashes & Beauty. Well … I could think of nothing more suitable to represent my journey at this point. In Isaiah 61, we read …

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,    

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

Reader, I so look forward to a day when I am given a crown of beauty to replace the ashes, and the oil of joy in place of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair but I don’t believe I will fully know that reality until the day I leave this world behind and stand before my Savior. Until that day, I will seek to follow Him, even when I am covered in the ashes of this fallen world, and I will look for the beauty that comes from a heart set on Jesus alone. This life I have, it is one of both ashes and beauty … joy and mourning … praise and despair.

Until I see Him face to face.

~Tanya